These terrible poems and songs had us rolling on the floor laughing.

Valentine’s Day has been around for centuries, but it has the reputation of being a holiday for commercial purposes, and with good reason — few people celebrate its historical significance, and most use the holiday to exchange gifts or cards. It often feels more like an obligation than a time to celebrate love. Not to mention, the saccharine cards you can buy at the convenience store feature incredibly corny poems and sayings that seem anything but genuine. Sometimes, these cards are almost comical — and some of the free e-cards you can send online are even worse.

We would never choose to send one of these cards in seriousness, but they did cause us to laugh out loud. If you want to mock the Hallmark holiday this year, try sending one of these monstrosities to your friend or significant other on Valentine’s Day.

A Personalized Michael Bolton E-Card

Choose a name, and Michael Bolton will say “This one’s for you, (insert name here).” He then goes on to sing a Valentine’s Day tune that doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense. “I said I loved you but I lied … ’cause this is more than love I feel inside.” If we weren’t laughing, we’d be throwing up.

You Are Like Chocolate

The text of this card is pretty disgusting, and the graphics are even worse. It reads: “You are like chocolate: Since I’ve had a taste, I can’t live without you!” Next, phrases like “Pleasure of the senses” and “Gluttonous indulgence” flash before your eyes. Yuck.

Sexual Innuendo

This terrible e-card simply reads: “You are on my ‘to-do’ list tonight, sweetheart!” while some terrible music that we think is meant to be sexy plays in the background.

Talking Pug E-Card

This dog, who is wearing a very unconvincing cupid costume, will say anything you type — in a computer voice. This one is extremely fun to play around with.

Friendship E-Card

Cheesy ’80s music plays behind a picture of footprints on the beach, and the card reads, “Your friendship has left a footprint on my heart forever!” Ugh. Thank you, next.

Love Potion

Ever wonder what the ingredients for love would look like? Apparently, you just need “a pinch of tenderness, a scoop of trust, and a large dose of caring.” There you have it!

In Your Arms

This overly-dramatic e-card takes forever to say the following: “Even if I searched the whole world … the best place to be would still be in your arms.”

Take My Breath Away

This e-card has all the elements of romance: the beach, candles, champagne, and two Adirondack chairs! It simply reads: “Sometimes, just the thought of you takes my breath away! Happy Valentine’s Day, My Love.” Sometimes, just the thought of this e-card makes us want to wear all black on Valentine’s Day.

The Perfect Man

This e-card sort of looks like a school project made on a 1990’s Macintosh, with a cheesy message to match: “Who says no man can be perfect? You are perfect for me … and I’m so lucky to have found you.”

Honey, I Love You

Chocolates, wine, and two teddy bears kissing on repeat … doesn’t this e-card just scream Valentine’s Day?

Which e-card do you think is the cheesiest? How will you be celebrating your love this Valentine’s Day? Let us know in the comments.

 

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