We don’t always get the heroes that we want, but in times of great strife, we tend to get the heroes we need. Uncle Rico is the hero we need.
The Broncos’ shutout against the Jets not withstanding, they need to make a serious change at the quarterback position. Trevor Siemian has more interceptions this year than touchdowns. Out of all quarterbacks in the league who attempted at least 300 passes so far this year, Siemian has the second lowest quarterback rating (74.4). Only twice this year has his quarterback rating topped 100.
We were bouncing around ideas on who the Broncos should hire and someone blurted out Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. While we laughed at first, we realized that they were absolutely right.
Here are 10 reasons that Napoleon Dynamite‘s uncle, Rico, would make a much better quarterback than Trevor Siemian.
Uncle Rico can throw a pigskin a quarter-mile.
So far this year, Trevor Siemian has only completed two passes for 40+ yards. That’s pathetic.
Rico can toss a pigskin a quarter-mile. He’s got an absolute cannon for an arm.
Uncle Rico can also thread the needle.
Trevor Siemian has an abysmal 59.1 completion percentage this year, which is the second worst out of all quarterbacks who have attempted at least 300 passes.
Rico, on the other hand, can put the football right where he wants it, every single time.
Uncle Rico has the most unique throwing motion ever seen.
As you can see from the GIF above, Uncle Rico has perfect form and employs the submarine method of delivery. While others might have problems controlling the ball, Rico can drop the ball right into the basket with just the flick of the wrist. It’s almost like he is slapping the ball to his destination and, of course, perfect spiral.
He isn’t afraid to shoot for the moon.
There’s nothing worse than a quarterback who’s afraid to leave it all on the field. Uncle Rico believes in himself more than is probably healthy.
Uncle Rico has a high pain tolerance.
Trevor Siemian has spent the past few weeks playing through a shoulder injury. One of the best parts of Uncle Rico’s game is that he can play through the pain.
Rico is already a pro at creating and watching film.
The best quarterbacks of all time also happened to be the best at watching film in preparation for the next week’s game. Not only is Uncle Rico an expert at watching film, but he also isn’t afraid to watch footage of himself.
He’s got lightning footwork.
Speaks for itself.
Uncle Rico is photogenic as hell.
Sure, Trevor Siemian might take a good picture, but none can compare to Uncle Rico’s ability to work the camera. Football broadcasts would become 100x better if Uncle Rico’s headshot — star backdrop and all — was used during player introductions. They say you should ‘dress for the job you want,’ and Uncle Rico’s brown shirt/blue vest combo just screams ‘Denver Broncos quarterback.’
Rico’s high pitched scream will cut through crowd volume.
The quarterback is responsible for taking charge of the team on the field. But that can be hard to do when playing away before a loud, hostile crowd. Uncle Rico’s figured out the workaround, though. While other QBs work their manliest speaking voice at the line, Rico incorporates the “scream like a little girl” method, cutting through crowd noise and perfectly communicating with his teammates.
Rico knows how to give the people what they want.
Whether we’re talking sweet football skills, tupperware bowls, or finely crafted models of wooden ships, Uncle Rico knows exactly how to give the people what they want.
What do you think? If you could put a film character in as the Denver Broncos’ quarterback, who would you pick? Let us know in the comment section below!