It’s winter, and you know what that means: All sorts of people are heading for the slopes to get a true taste of Colorado.
It’s that time of year, again! People are buying their lift passes and heading for the slopes. What kind of people, you ask? We’re happy to help guide you with our pointed and oh-so-opinionated opinion.
🗻🎿 You know who you are…
Posted by Our Community Now Colorado on Tuesday, October 16, 2018
Only Here for the Aprés
You can spot this individual swerving a little on the slopes. Claiming it’s the best way to “keep warm,” this ski-lush has rosy cheeks and smells of a freshly downed vin chaud. They spend most of the day asking when they’re going to head down the mountain for some drinks.
Those Pesky Kids
Typically locals to the mountain town you’re in, or the ones who spend more time on the slopes than at school during the winter, those pesky kids are pretty easy to spot. They whip through the runs like a bat-out-of-hell, hooting ‘n’ hollering their ways through moguls and trees. Our suggestion: stay the hell out of their way unless you want to get run over and called a gaper.
First of all, if this is you, great for you! Now please, get.a.lesson! It’s never a bad thing to be a beginner, but be smart about it. It might seem easy enough to ski or snowboard; I mean, you have been sledding before … Too bad it’s literally nothing like that. You can spot the newbie covered in snow and twisted up like a pretzel.
But seriously: drop the extra cash to get yourself a lesson by a pro. And a word of advice: don’t ask your more experienced buddy to teach you — they want to spend their day skiing, not teaching you. Sorry, not sorry.
The Snow Bunny
She’s really only there for the gram. Possibly the best dressed on the slopes, she may do a few runs with her pink snowboard and matching fuzzy earmuffs, but she’s not looking for anything serious. She’s posting mad #mountainvibes and the perceived notion that she knows how to shred (thank God for a one-second boomerang!). Toward the afternoon, you can find her posted up with the “Only Here for the Aprés.”
Snow Park Show Off
This dude knows all the tricks. They probably even have one of those off-season practice rails at home so they don’t get rusty. Are you jealous? Yeah, a little bit, but you would never let that show because, like, “who needs to know all those tricks anyway?” you say to yourself, scooting off with a tear in your eye and an inferiority complex.
The Old Timer
Possibly my favorite person on the mountain. If you have the pleasure of riding up with them on the chairlift, you can get some great insight on where the best parts of the mountain are or just a lovely story about the mountain in yesteryear. Not only are they friendly, but they are also the best riders on the mountain (though, you’d never hear them brag about it). They sail through runs because they know them like the backs of their hands. Afterward? You may find them hanging out at the best Aprés spot in town telling war stories.
Forgot your sunscreen? They have three different kinds. Need a snack? “Power bar, fruit snacks, or a sandwich?” Thirsty? They somehow are carrying two bladders in their packs. The mom is always prepared, and it’s honestly a feat in and of itself that they cart around so much stuff around the mountain. How do you balance, mom? Teach us your ways.
Over-relaxed Snow Bum
Typically seen mooching off “The mom’s” supplies, the Snow Bum basically lives on the mountain and is ready to go up whenever you are. Literally. Right now? Okay. They have their trusty board ready to go. But that’s pretty much it. While they may not have brought a scarf to block the wind — or even some goggles, for that matter — they DID, in fact, remember to bring a joint for the lift ride up.
I grew up in Pennsylvania (ooh yeah, I’m a “transplant” — look out!), and we called them Yetis. In Maine? “One-bucklers.” Wyoming? “Jerrys.” You Coloradans fondly refer these creatures as “Texans.” These skiers are fine and dandy folks, sporting blue jeans tucked into their boots and cowboy hates donned with goggles. Totally unfazed by the looks and giggles of others on the mountain, the classic Yeti (Texan) rocks their own style, unashamed. They’ll cut right in front of you and tumble their way down the mountain. They don’t know what they’re doing, but THEY’RE having fun — and that’s all that matters.
These kids took their lessons last year and are ready.to.go. Watch those lil tykes take to the snow like a duck to water. They may need a little help getting on a chairlift, but best believe they will kill it on the slopes. The dangerously awesome mixture of fearless vigor and bounce-back-ability allows them to attempt it all. This is how lil athletes are made people. Parents, give ’em enough padding and let ’em loose. Bones can always be reset, right?
What kind of person are you on the slopes? Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments!